AJHS - 1

 PART 1:

Arnav POV

When you keep walking on an endless desert with no signs of life around you, there comes a moment when the sand becomes your friend. The greeting sun appears to be a scorching passionate lover meant to take over your soul. And the hot loo feels like a security blanket providing you warmth.

But all of it is nothing but an illusion. It is your consciousness acting on a defense mechanism. A silly game conjured by your mind to protect itself. You are aware of the reality. You know it's camouflage. Still, you try everything to assure yourself that one day all will be well. One day. A possibility. A hope.

Chotte.

Her voice managed to stop my train of thoughts. Because it is a sheer display of what has been running in my mind every single minute since I was released from the hospital. Her tone was full of hope and optimism. The last few weeks did not wake her up. 

Why don't you join all of us for lunch downstairs?

How many times will you...

My voice trailed meaningfully as I cocked my head to stare back at her beaming face. A fake smile. She cried before coming up. The perfect imitation of my thoughts. Yes. A camouflage.

...till you agree with me Chotte.

Turning away I chose to stare at the greenery around my poolside. They usually helped in calming the raging storm that flowed within me every once in a while.

What's the point? I don't know anyone around here.

Just once. Try to see things from a different perspective. Or else the road to your recovery will be full of unnecessary obstacles.

I smirked darkly. The facade was fading away. My reality could not be covered with a lid. An illusion can only last for a while. Her whimpers reached my ears. But like a rod of steel, I sat rigid in my bed. She needs to accept the reality. The sooner it is the better it is for everyone.

You can close the door on your way out Mrs. Shekhawat.

Its DI. I am your SISTER. CALL ME DI. PLEASE.

Turning deaf to her pleas I laid on the bed covering my head with a pillow. A few minutes later her cries stopped. The next moment I heard my door being shut. A sigh escaped my lips. Momentary relief consumed me. I shut my eyes feeling strange tiredness enveloping me. Sleep invaded my feelings.

And then it happened all over again. Fear slammed my insides. As if it was a liquid going down the wrong pipe. And no one to help around. I tried to breathe desperately but the fog around me made it so difficult. It was dark. Then that helpless, feeble voice called out to me. 

Koi matlab nai hai?
(It doesn't mean anything?)

I tried to reach out to her. She sounded so cold. As if someone had pushed her away out in a blizzard. My feet were stuck. Immobile. Handicapped. I stood helplessly. I screamed to draw her attention to me.

Where are you? Let me help! Who are you? Can you hear me?!?

Koi matlab nai hai?

Her four words sounded so hollow and lifeless. I could do nothing but glare at the dark abyss surrounding me. Rubbing my eyes I tried to find something that would clue me in. But as usual, I could nothing. Nothing at all.

Let me help you Damn it!

Koi matlab nai hai?

Suddenly the vision turned too bright. My eyes shut on their own accord. Sound of wheels skidding echoed around me. I gasp horrified by my approaching death. A loud horn and bang. My shoulder ached as pain sliced through me.

Sweating furiously I woke up to the sound of my phone vibrating. Ahhhh. The muscles of my shoulder churned as I tried to sit properly. The doctor had advised me to avoid straining my left arm for a few weeks. Leaning my back against the headboard I rubbed my palm over my face. Oh, the nightmares. 

These are fragments of memories. My accident. The wheels and the horn. Of course. It has been more than a month now. However, I cannot remember what caused that terrible incident. No matter how hard I try to focus my memories are the same

A deep void. Afzal Khan's words reverberated in my mind.

Itni saari yaadon ke hote bhi jab dil mein veerani hoti hai,
To sachmein hairani hoti hai.
(Even after having so many memories if the heart feels vacant, then it is an astonishing moment).


My phone vibrated yet again. I sighed in disbelief. There is no point in ignoring his calls. The little pest will not allow me to breathe if I don't assure him about my wellbeing.

Dhruv Singh Raizada is an enigma. No matter how hard I try I always fail to solve the mystery behind his existence. Rolling my eyes I answered the call. It is better to get it over with.

Hello

What's up Nannav Chachu? How are you doing? 

I am fine D.

You know what jab meri gf ke sath misunderstanding hui thi I also went through a similar experience...)
(When I and my gf had a misunderstanding of sorts I too went through a similar experience...)

Gf? You are only 10 years old D!

Don't change the subject Chachu. My point is uske jaane se mera dil baali hogaya tha.
(There was an emptiness in my heart due to absence).

Baali? What do you mean D?


I huffed too exasperated by his stupid hindi. He is the son of Nandkishore Raizada. I have an NRI cousin brother. We spoke over the phone once after my discharge. Of course, the craze to speak an Indian language ran in Dhruv's blood.

I mean empty. She left me and that's what I felt. Everything became dark and foggy.

Khaali is the correct word. Baali is the wrong word to use in this context D.

Oops, Nannav Chachu. Yeah, khaali. Pay attention to my words, please...

The kid continued his tale of sorrow and heartbreak. I lost all my focus. His earlier words echoed in my mind like a broken record. 

She left me and that's what I felt. Everything became dark and foggy.

The nightmare resurfaced in my mind. The dark abyss. The foggy surroundings. A voice. A helpless voice looking for comfort. A female. And my desperation to reach out to her.

....so you get it? Ladki agar door chali jaaye toh heart ekdum khaali hojata hai. 
(If the girl leaves then your heart becomes all empty).

Ladki?
(Girl?)

Who?

I was only aware of one woman. One who was meant to marry me but for now we are not on speaking terms. Damn it. It cannot be her?Is Lavanya the reason behind my messed-up mind?

Maybe? I am clueless D. If and I mean 'only if that is the case then what's the solution? Heart ko theek kaise krte hain?
(How do I make my heart alright?)

What the hell is wrong with me? Instead of discussing my issues with a friend or an expert, I am looking for a piece of advice from a 10-year-old? Dhruv Singh Raizada is a little boy. Not a grown-up. Before I could correct my words he answered like a true professional. 

It's simple Chachu. Get better and grovel at her feet. She might forgive you. Oh! We have reached the temple. I gotta go. Bye.

Oh goodness! Throwing the phone on the pillow beside me I pulled my hair. This never-ending frustration will kill me one day. If only...if only my memories were not locked away somewhere in my mind. If only I had the key to them. Then I would know what made me so bitter and sad. 

Psychology clearly states the cause-effect relationship. The relationship between cause and effect may not always be obvious. However, reasoning through cause and effect provides a way to cope with feelings of powerlessness.

And somewhere deep down I knew one fact about myself. I dislike feeling powerless. Memories or no memories if things go out of my control I snap.

However, no one can control nature. It found a loophole. And here I am healing from internal and external injuries. A chaotic mind and probably a bruised heart.


Khushi POV

Sipping the freshly brewed cup of ginger tea I tried my best to concentrate on Happyji's words as the man worked with a wrench. He was going on and on about the carburetor and fuel while repairing a secondhand car. I kept staring at the hot orange liquid as it warmed my hands. The strong smell of ginger kept invading my nose.

However, my mind was far far away. Away from this dingy garage. Endless thoughts were swirling in my mind. I know I need to move on. I know it's useless to keep prickling my wounds. But how do you get over your first love? The ignited emotions are not extinguished so easily. Such flames keep burning for a very very long while.

Slowly the beverage disappeared from my vision. The gut-wrenching Diwali night flashed before my eyes. My heartbreak.  The efforts to face my best friend as guilt captured my soul because I was betraying her by falling for Arnavji. Arnav Raizada. Gulzarji ki shayari is true.

Farq tha hum dono ki mohabbat mein, mujhe usse hi thi,
Usse mujhse bhi thi.
(There was a difference in the way we loved, I loved him only,
But he loved me as well).


The hasty exit. The mask I wore to protect myself. Fake smiles. Fake wishes. While I was crumbling inside. Strained silence in the SUV as he dropped me home. His sarcastic statements and my happy facade.

Khushiji? Am I going too fast? You can comprehend my words, right?

I blinked my eyes as Happyji glanced at me enquiringly. No one needs to know about the complications in my life. Releasing a deep breath I plastered a smile on my face. Time to act Khushi Kumari Gupta.

Ji Happyji. It is not that difficult. I will be a very good assistant to you. And if I falter you will help me right?

Ji Khushiji. Always.


Money is not something that will drop on my lap from above. It's time to focus on this new job. Matters of the heart will always remain unresolved. Arnav Singh Raizada will soon become another chapter in the story of my life. It's time to divert my attention towards more important things. 

Draining the rest of my tea I placed the cup on the table kept in the corner of the garage. Pushing away my memories of him I tied my dupatta on the side of my hip. Mr. Raizada cannot torment me forever. Being miserable is not an option anymore.

Happyji I am done with my break. Allow me to use the wrench and I promise this time I will get it right.

The man eyed me for a long while. As if he could see through my facade. But I was high on the determination. And that must be reflecting in my eyes because after some time he gave me a knowing smile. As if he understood everything running in the deep corners of my mind.

Then I believe you are ready Khushiji.

Anjali POV

Wiping another few tears I began to walk into the backyard of Shantivan. I know I should be brave. I should be strong for my brother. However, his condition and stubbornness to not move ahead in life are deteriorating my optimism at an alarming rate. 

Sometimes I what would our lives be like if Chotte did not meet with that unfortunate accident. Arnav was supposed to return home safe and sound after dropping Khushiji. But then fate had something else planned for him.

In the middle of the night, I received the terrible news of his accident from Aman. The family rushed to the local hospital in tears. My heart had stopped beating for those few hours. I felt relief only when the doctors had declared that he is awake.

However, the relief did not last for very long because it soon became apparent that something was wrong with Chotte's behavior. His confusion and helplessness were heartwrenching to watch. Retrograde Amnesia. Two words changed our little world in the blink of an eye.

It has been more than a month now. His injuries have almost healed. But I am afraid the same cannot be said for his emotional wounds. Every day is a challenge for this man. I cannot help but break down watching my ever-independent egoistic brother struggling for mundane tasks because he has to relearn everything all over again.

Longing to hear my husband's voice who will understand my plight I heard his voice message once again.

Anju do not even think of giving up now. I want you to become the pillar of strength for the Raizadas. You are the wife of an army man. Captain Vikram Shekhawat. You are also on a battlefield with the enemy right now. The only difference is yours is called fate. I might be physically away from you but I have left my heart in your palms. Hold it. Take all the support from the same. And always remember that I fell for you because of your compassion. We will meet very soon. Bye.

Pulling the device away from my ear I nodded understanding the said and unsaid words of my husband. He is right. I cannot give up so easily. In the past when my brother took up the responsibility of being the man of the house he never faltered. So why am I allowing such irrational thoughts to get to me?

I will keep trying. And I have made considerable progress by asking NK Bhai to let his kid visit India for his summer holidays. Dhruv Singh Raizada is a typhoon that won't allow Arnav to hide in his shell. In his company, Chotte turns into a different person. I should not be hasty.

Dhruv POV

To the rest of the world, it may seem that a mere kid is sitting on the sofa chair eating a bag of potato chips watching Doremon on the tv screen. But only a few observant ones will be able to know that I am secretly making plans of my own. 

I need to make a few inquiries. I can be a good Sherlock. Nannav Chachu is sad and lonely. He is depressed because of some girl. I too was upset when Samantha broke my heart last year.  A year ago one afternoon after school she had thrown away my greeting card in the muddy water. 

It took me 3 days to understand that I had spelled her name wrongly. Reminding her of the other Samanthaa in our school. That was completely my fault. But after a little groveling on my part, we made up.

I sighed remembering those days. But then after 6 months, she had to move to the States. And with a heavy heart, we broke up for good. I don't regret the time we spend together. I will always remember her as my first love.

I have a built-in radar. It is pretty easy to identify a broken heart. Dad has it too. We are gifted in that department. Now I just need to decide who will help me in finding out more about Chachu's love life. Hmmm. Oh of course. How can I forget? Rubbing my palms I grinned like a 5 yr old who just found his favorite soft toy in a giant toy store. 

Finishing the last chip I ran to the kitchen where a startled HP uncle greeted me with a sweet smile. Smiling like Jiyaan and Sunyo I cornered the innocent help of Raizada Mansion. Time for some interrogation.

Hi HP uncle. Kya aap mere sath bahar khelenge?
(Will you play with me outside?)

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To be continued.

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