AJHS - 6

Part - 6

Khushi POV

Someone once said if you want something very badly, set it free. If it comes back to you. Then it is yours forever.

I shook my head, feeling tears sprout in my eyes. My clothes were soaked by the time I returned to Laxmi Nagar. The storm continued to rage outside, rain pelted the window, but I did not pay any attention to it. Nobody was home. Everyone had left for the Jaagran. I somehow dragged my body to my room and bolted the door.

As thunder rolled through the house I ground myself against the wall. To another person, it might appear that the bad weather is causing me pain. That the reason for my restlessness is the lightning and storm outside.

However, this excruciating pain that is rolling within me is not due to the climatic conditions of Delhi. The cause of this pain is him. Him. 

My heart wept tears of blood as Lavanyaji's parting words echoed in my mind.

He does not remember anyone Chamkeeli. ASR sab kuch bhool gaya hai. Sabko bhool gaya hai. 

(ASR has forgotten everything. He has lost his memories).

The tentacles of pain clutched my insides. I gulped. It was hard to process the fact that the only person who made me fall for him does not remembers me. My phone kept flashing every two minutes. Five missed calls and two messages. The notification read. I kept the device on the floor and pulled my hair hoping against hope for the hurt to disappear.

All the times we spend together. All the special moments. Sheesh Mahal. Dargah. Office. Shantivan. Nainital. Hospital. Diwali. I gasped as realization dawned upon me.

All those memories. They were gone. Khushi Kumari Gupta has disappeared from his mind. I closed my eyes recollecting his confused expressions. That lost look was not an act. My speculation stands wrong. It is not one of his new games. This is real. Retrograde Amnesia is real. Arnav Singh Raizada has changed.

Gulzarji ne theek kaha hai.

(The poet Gulzar uttered the truth).

Ye ishq mohabbat ki riwayat bhi 

ajeeb hoti hai,

Paaya nahi hai jisko,

Usse khona bhi nai chaahte!!

(Love is a strange phenomenon,

You do not wish to lose the one,

Who was never yours, to begin with).

He does not remember anyone Chamkeeli. ASR sab kuch bhool gaya hai. Sabko bhool gaya hai. 

My phone went off once more.

Dhruv Singh Raizada will not stop calling me. I will have to answer this call. Wiping my tears, I cleared my throat and picked up the phone.

Hello...

The hoarseness of my voice astonished us both equally. Unlike me, he expressed his worries verbally. I could not help but purse my lips as the innocent boy bombarded me with a long list of questions.

Khushi Maam are you alright? You don't sound good. Are you...crying? Why? What's wrong? Are you sick? Is everything alright with your family?

Composing my self I tried to act brave. I should not lose control. Gulping away the blinding pain within me I answered him in a semi-normal voice.

I...I am fine Dhruv. It is just that...I am not feeling good. 

Clamping a hand on my mouth tried to keep my heartbreak at bay. He should not hear the hurt in my voice. He needs to stay away from the harshness of this world. Dhruv is a kid. He needs to be sheltered from the darkness around us. His heart is too pure for all this.

Oh. Is it your stomach? Maybe you ate something wrong? It happens to me a lot. Pops always scold me for it.

Haan. Haan shayad...kuch galat kha liya Dhruv. Aur ab dard bardasht nai horha hai.

(Yeah. Yeah maybe...I ate something wrong Dhruv. And now the pain has become unbearable).

Oho. Don't worry when D is here. Aap warm water peejiye. It will help mam. Aur haan thodi der rest karlijiye.

(You drink a glass of warm water. And yes rest for a while).

The last time I broke down no one was there to hold me. But this time I am not alone. Dhruv Singh Raizada is applying balm to my...wounds. Unknowingly he has given me the one thing I yearn for. A friend in need. Using strength from his soothing voice I stood up from the floor and dragged my body to the bed.

Ha..an. Hum thodi der...let jaate hain.

(Ye..ah. I should lie down...for a while).

Do you want me to sing to you? Pops says that my voice is very soothing.

Yeah...please do.

Tears rolled down my eyes one after the other as Dhruv sang to me. I felt like a little kid who needed reassurance that his mom will be back soon. The pain within me released with every tear that fell. 

The pouring rain resembled my emotions. The deafening thunder echoed the sound of my breaking heart. 

I know Arnavji and I had a complicated relationship since the beginning. But our nameless bond was still a bond. A weird relation that I cherished from the bottom of my heart. Oh, Devi Maiyya. I spouted so much hate and anger towards Arnavji. And he did not retaliate.  He must be so confused right now. 

Of course. He kept talking about the fact that we have met before. He also questioned me about the kind of past we shared. The feeling of despair clouded my mind as I recalled the times I did not hear him out. How can I be so heartless? My train of thoughts halted as Dhruvs voice echoed one last time.

Maam you should rest now. I will call later. Take care.

Bye Dhruv.

He hung up and I immediately started weeping like a baby. Arnavji has forgotten me. This means he has no idea of what transpired between us on Diwali. 

Diwali.

Diwali night.

Oh yes. According to Lavanyaji, Arnavjis accident happened on Diwali night. Does this mean that after dropping me he never returned home? Was I the reason behind his accident? Did our talk tipped him to the point that he lost control over his driving?!?

Wiping my tears I tried to compose myself. Instead of wailing like a fool, I should investigate Arnavjis health. I should enquire about the accident. But most of all I should speak to him. He does not deserve my hatred at this moment. 

In these vulnerable times, I should be supportive. This is the law of humanity. Yes. Yes, I will meet him tomorrow. When he will come to the school and drop Dhruv then I will approach him.

Anjali POV

Vikram. I miss you so so much.

Anju it is just a matter of 2 days now. Then we will get to see each other baby. 

I nodded eagerly as we spoke over the video call. After so many months finally, I will be able to see and hold my husband. It is not easy being the wife of an army man. But it is very difficult to not fall for an honest and loving Captain. His persuasion skills are amazing. After all, he was hell-bent on getting married to me, when we met for an arranged proposal 3 years ago.

Please tell me you are recalling the time I wooed you. Tell me. Am I right?

His teasing voice made me grin immediately. Devi Maiyya this man knows me too well. Sometimes I wonder whether he has installed CCTV in our room or what?

Yes. I am. I cannot help but remember how stubborn you were when your army background overwhelmed me. You were adamant about making me your wife.

What was I supposed to do? I fell for your kind spirit. I needed you like air to breathe. And I fought like hell to make you mine.

Giggling at his explanation I thanked Devi Maiyya for blessing me with such a wonderful husband. If it were not for Vikram I would have fallen for the wrong guy. Vikram holds a special place in my heart. I wish Chotte too finds his happiness soon enough. He needs this. Especially at this stage of life.

Anju. I can sense your worries here in Iraq. Relax. Your brother will find peace at the right time. Do not exert yourself. Let him fight his battles. Or else you will make him weak. 

You are right. I like being a worrywart. Chotte is recovering and I should appreciate the fact.

Changing the subject we talked about our upcoming anniversary. Everyone wanted a grand party so Vikram agreed that we will organize it after his return. I discussed my desire of inviting Khushiji and Payalji to the party. And as usual, Vikram agreed that familiar faces might surprise Chotte. We continued to talk till his battery died.

Arnav POV

It was a new day. A sunny day. But the bright and shining morning did not do much to motivate me. Usually, the idea of dropping D to his language school energized me to another level. However, today rather than counting the minutes, I was dreading the moment. 

The reason being Khushi Gupta. I need to stick to my decision. I have to make sure that we don't cross paths. Not unless it is very urgent or she desires to see me. The latter is unlikely to happen. She hates me. Her tears are my undoing. Cannot help it.

I mechanically showered and changed. I did not join my family for breakfast. And now I am sitting with Dhruv in the car as we drive to his language school. A sense of despair has clouded my mind. Even Dhruv can feel my emotions. The kid is giving me peace today.

When we arrived at the school leaving Dhruv towards the front door I headed behind the building towards the amphitheater. For the first time even having that shiny piece of cloth in my pocket did not give me any source of comfort.

I sat on a bench nearby passing my time observing the people around me. Some were laughing. Some were smiling. They were all enjoying the happiness of life. A feeling of envy enveloped my soul. Will I be able to overcome my illness someday? Will I ever feel the serenity that comes when one feels euphoria? Lost in my musings I almost missed the soft voice who called out my name with a yearning that made me sigh in bliss.

Arnavji...

Cocking my head to the side I noticed Khushi Gupta standing just a foot away from me. Her eyes were filled with a strange warmth, this drastic change within her gave me whiplash. I stood up in reflex. 

Khushi...

Kya hum do minute baat krsaktein hain?

(May I talk to you?)

The question baffled me. My dark mood evaporated in a jiffy leaving only calmness around me. Does Khushi want to talk? Yes, she does. She came in between her class, leaving her work, to simply talk to me. A small smile graced my features. It was a contagious one as she smiled as well.

Sure. Baith ke baat krein?

(Why don't you sit?)

She nodded enthusiastically. I sat on one side of the bench leaving a lot of space for her to sit comfortably. My body twitched feeling the awkwardness surround us. What should I say to her? Ughh. I was waiting for this moment for ages. And now I cannot even open my mouth. Speak up damn it. I screamed in my thoughts. However, Khushi took care of it.

Humein kal hi pta chala ki Diwali ki raat aapka accident hogaya tha.

(I was informed last evening about your accident).

Oh.

Her words shook me. How? Is she in touch with my family? Or perhaps Dhruv might have? Who was the one to reveal this fact? The curiosity made me verbalize my thoughts.

Kisne bataya tumhe?

(Who told you?)

Lavanyaji. Woh aur hum ache dost hain. Woh do din ke liye India aayi thi.

(She is a good friend of mine. She was in India for two days).

Of course. How can I forget the woman whose heart I broke so brutally? Closing my eyes I tried to think about anything other than Lavanya Kashyap. The tentacles of guilt clawed my fragile heart.

Main bahut bura hoon. Main siwaye dil dukhane ke kuch nai krta.

(I am a bad person. I can only hurt others).

Aap aisa mat kahiye Arnavji.

(Please don't say such things Arnavji).

Her soothing words made my eyes flutter open. I faced her only to see empathy oozing out of Khushi. She is a beautiful person. Despite knowing my sins she is still trying to comfort me.

Maine kuch galat to nahi kaha. Lavanya ke sath galat kia hai. Aur shayad tumhe bhi hurt kia hai. Tabhi to tum mera chehra bhi nai dekhna chahti thi.

(I am only saying the truth. I wronged Lavanya. I also hurt you. Maybe that is the reason why you get so infuriated by my presence).

No. No, you did not hurt me.

Her words made me swallow the regret that kept flowing out of me in waves. Really? Is she serious? Or is she doing this to make me feel better? But if it is true then maybe my guilt will be lessened. 

Khushi?!? I never hurt you? Ever?

Khushi POV

With eyes full of hope the man cupped the ball of my shoulder and asked me something so vital that for a second I paused wondering about the consequences of my answer.

For a moment I thought that an honest reply would be something that Arnavji expected.

However, in a split second, I changed my decision. The pain in his eyes pinched the insides of my heart. So plastering a smile on my face I boldly lied to Arnav Singh Raizada. 

No. We had our differences and due to unavoidable circumstances, we never found a chance to sort out things in a normal manner.

And as expected my answer brought a significant change in the expressions of Arnavji. His drooping posture was erected. The cloud of sadness surrounding him disappeared. A newfound emotion graced his features. Slowly the hand on my shoulder dropped around my elbow. Studying my face he replied in a husky voice sending a tingling sensation in my spine.

Thank you. I feel better now. 

Agar humare jhoot bolne se Arnavji ko khushi milti hai to hum unhein sach nahi batayenge. Devi Maiyya humein maaf krdein. The hand on my elbow retreated making me feel its absence. Maybe when Arnavji would be less vulnerable I will let him know the truth.

(If my one lie can make Arnavji feel a little relief then it's better to stay quiet. Forgive me Devi Maiyya).

I checked my watch to see that my break was about to finish. Since there was nothing left to say I quietly stood up and turned around to leave the amphitheater. 

Khushi...

I did not turn around but only tilted my head to one side acknowledging that I heard him. He understood the gesture and did not ask me to face him. Of course, he won't. The old Arnav Singh Raizada had an issue with it. But this man has no memories with me. He is a clean slate. The thought caused acute pain in my heart. His voice brought me out of my stupor.

Amnesia ke side effects ki wajah se koi mere sawaalon ka jawab tak nahi deta. Par tumne dia. Mujhe achha laga. 

(Due to the side effects of amnesia no one bothers to answer my queries. But you did. And I am grateful for the same).

Before tears could betray my voice I simply nodded in his direction and sprinted to the other side of the language school. He sounds so out of control. He feels so lost. And he is being so thankful for the lies I sprouted a while ago. Devi Maiyya give him the strength to face this world. Bring back the old ASR. I cannot see him like this. 

Praying for his quick recovery I rushed back to my class. As thoughts of Arnav Singh Raizada reverberated around my mind I had an epiphany. No matter how hard I try to distance myself from him, somehow somewhere he always comes back to me. Our lives are entwined oddly.

Payal POV

Pushing his glasses up Akaash Raizada looked towards the wall behind me as I complimented him for his chivalrous ways. Sitting in an ice cream parlor with him I grinned at his display of awkwardness.

Payal stop it.

I did not do anything Akaash.

I said in my I am innocent tone making him shake his head in return. Being friends with him made me happy. It made me wonder why I hated Akaash so much just because of his relation with Arnav Singh Raizada. Thankfully Akaash never speaks about his brother in front of me. He knows how much I hate it even when ASRs name is mentioned in our conversations.

Payal Anjali Di is planning to invite you and Khushi to her anniversary party. I would love it if you could make it to...

I will think about it Akaash. But don't pressurize me to...

I promise. Your wishes will be respected.

And just like that with one simple sentence, he made my heart flutter. Akaash Raizada was much more than a simple-looking man. A man who shows me every day how gentlemanly his upbringing has been.

When I reached home around supper the ringing of the landline echoed in our home sweet home. Knowing very well who was calling me I rushed towards the phone.

Hello?

Hi Payalji. Anjali this side.

Dhruv POV

HP Uncle enthusiastically spoke about the girl Khushi who always stood up against Nannav Chachu. A lot of times he witnessed how she faced the brutal comments of Chachu fearlessly without getting intimidated by his persona.

Her retorts surprised the entire Raizada clan. They began to love Khushi like family. But circumstanced made her leave Shantivan. Her temporary job of training Lavanya Kashyap was over rather quickly than everyone's anticipation.

So she does not visit Shantivan anymore?

No. She last visited RM on the night of Diwali. There was a grand party. 

Oh. So Chachu must have met her before that horrible accident?

HP Uncle nodded with a smile. He was about to say something else when suddenly Anji Bua called out for him. He quickly left the kitchen to look for the said voice leaving me to my thoughts.

Khushi...hmmm. My teacher's name is also Khushi. Are these two the same...? No. No that's a simple coincidence. Chachu's Khushi is a trainer of Indian traditions. And my Khushi Maam is a teacher in a language school. It is a common name. Yeah. But what if they are the same? HP Uncle says Khushi the trainer always had her differences with Chachu. And my teacher always gives a weird reaction when Chachu is around.

Ughh. I am so confused. Am I overthinking? Or am I crushing on the love of Chachu's life? Oh god. Help me, please. I want Nannav Uncle to get better. But I don't wish for another heartbreak. Cannot I have both things? Am I demanding too much? Damn it.

Khushi POV

After dinner, Jeeji asked me to join her for a cup of tea on the porch steps. The pleasant weather made me agree to her demand rather quickly. The sky appeared to be cloudy. The cool breeze made me shiver slightly. But the hot liquid slipping down my throat made it bearable.

Khushi. Anjaliji called a few hours ago.

What?!? 

Shhhh. Don't be so loud.

Slapping my palm over my mouth I stared in Jeeji's direction who stood a foot away from me leaning against the wall watching the clouds with a strange look in her eyes.

Sorry.

Sighing out loud she cocked her head towards me and answered in a casual manner making me wonder why anything related to the Raizadas always leaves me surprised.

Anjali Raizada's husband will be back tomorrow. And she wants to host their anniversary party this weekend. Both of us have been invited.

Listening to her words I continued to sip my chai. My thoughts ran at the speed of the Shatabdi express train. Why are we both invited out of the blue? Do the Raizadas know that I know about their Chotte's accident? Why did they not call even once during all this time? Or is it that Anjaliji simply wants to introduce her hubby to us?

Ughhhh.

My mind is being churned right now.

Khushi? Are you alright? There is no compulsion we don't have to go to their so-called party. I won't allow ASR to spoil your life Khushi. 

Oh no. Jeeji beliefs that I am worried about Arnavji's cold and harsh behavior. She has no idea about his amnesia. But she hangs out with Akaashji so how come she is unaware of such a vital incident.

Jeeji I have seen you hanging out with Akaash Raizada. Did he not tell you about Arnavji's amnesia?

She jerked her head and covered the little distance between us. We sat side by side on the steps, our cups lay forgotten as the discussion turned more intense. Sheer confusion rendered her incapable of doing or saying anything. She simply shook her head in denial.

My words came out fast. My thoughts tumbled into the space between us. With mouth slightly open and eyes wide Payal Jeeji heard my explanation. Black clouds rumbled across the sky. The change in the weather made me jumpy.

You are sure? I mean...I just...amnesia??

Yes, Jeeji. 

And out of all the population of Delhi Dhruv Singh Raizada happens to attend your Hindi classes?

Giving out a bitter laugh, I could not help but think how fate continues to play with me. Arnavji and I have experienced it. Since Sheesh Mahal, something or the other leads the both of us towards each other. And I never understand the why and how of these coincidences. Strange right? I mused.

I feel like lying down on my bed. This is a little too much. I need to process it.

Nodding in her direction I continued to sit on the porch. The thundering had stopped a while ago. But the sky was still cloudy. I traced my finger along the rim of the teacup. For the first time, my mind was blank. I was neither happy nor worried. 

The sudden vibrations of my phone startled me. A familiar number appeared on my cracked screen. Recalling our previous conversation I quickly answered the call. 

Khushi...

Arnavji?

Are you free at the moment?

The politeness in his tone felt so ironic. Not long ago the coldness in this man's voice terrified me. And look at me now. I pity him. I feel sorry for him. Times have changed. The shrewd ASR has disappeared in a dark abyss leaving a vulnerable Arnavji behind. And he has to start relearning everything from the beginning.

Yes Arnavji.